We let them roam around the place pretty freely, because like I said, there isn’t a lot of space even if we don’t restrict it any. But that means the rabbits have occasionally been in the bedroom when we’ve had sex. The past question that you reference was specifically regarding BDSM, which often is practiced with written/verbal agreements detailed beforehand. Aftercare is generally part of the protocol. Perhaps the same should be so for other forms of sex, including the vanilla variety, but it isn’t as widely practiced there.
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- After sex, I just want some space and air, which doesn’t seem like it should be too much to ask, but if I try to extricate myself, my spouse gets upset.
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- That’s something that happens when you play around!
That’s something that happens when you play around! It’s completely human to misjudge, and it’s completely human to react to that error. Perhaps you could discuss it with him using a detached approach along these lines—these things happen! It doesn’t make him a bad person or anything close to a rapist. It just makes him someone who said something that triggered you. A boundary that previously wasn’t visible now is.
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If you invite him in explicitly, he may see that what happened was a blip, something you can both get over with minimal effort. My husband and I had a very rare work-free, kids-at-daycare day home together today. We had some of the most connected and amazing sex this morning that we have had since our youngest was born almost 10 months ago.
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This afternoon, though, we were going for round two, and we were getting into it and I wanted to slow things down a bit so I was teasing him and not letting him enter me. We were playfully doing this and sort of teasing each other, and I put my knees around his hips to keep him from entering me, and he said, “You think you can stop me from getting in? ” as a joke, but it was like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over me. He would never, ever do anything without my consent, and I know that, but the comment, while said jokingly, took my mind to a very dark place (I have a generalized anxiety disorder). I was inspired to write in by a recent question about aftercare. I am pretty vanilla, but I relate to the previous question asker’s distaste for cuddling, especially after sex.
If your husband hasn’t been examined by a doctor (including getting bloodwork done), you should encourage him to do so. Erectile dysfunction can be caused by serious health conditions like diabetes and heart disease. It’s worth knowing whether there’s something at the root of this issue. It is important for you both to be able to speak up. You could perhaps help bring him back to equilibrium by asking him if he has any boundaries he would like for you to respect. Or even if there’s anything he’d like to add to your sex life.
Before, Harris spoke how “everything is in context,” and about her mother used to give her a hard time, before saying the phrase. But what does the Harris’ “coconut tree” quote mean, and why has it become a meme? “You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.” I’ve been with my boyfriend “Todd” for five years. But we live in an apartment that’s really too small for the two of us and our pet rabbits Binky and Winky.
Understanding where his head is at will be crucial to your progress. If he doesn’t want to have sex in the first place, that’s a much more complicated issue, in many ways beyond what you’re capable of willing a resolution for. That he’s tried meds implies at least some degree of desire—whether he wants to have sex, wants to want to have sex, wants to please you, or something else is unclear from your letter. However, PDE5 inhibitors are vasodilators, not libido boosters. They work on his dick not his mind, so if his head isn’t in it, you’re not going to see much movement.
I have felt this way hooking up in the past, which makes some sense because being alone with a stranger is probably inherently awkward, but even with my spouse, whom I love deeply, I can’t seem to feel relaxed. I have no trauma that might be the root of this feeling, and I am generally very comfortable with my spouse. After sex, I just want some space and air, which doesn’t seem like it should be too much to ask, but if I try to extricate myself, my spouse gets upset. I have tried explaining that I need some peace and space in the very same way that they need snuggling and the like, to wind down and recenter myself, but I never seem to get through.
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